Dear Earth,

The date is: January 6th. The season is: winter. 66 degrees is not correct winter temperature. I should not be wearing shorts and a t-shirt (and not just because they SO don't flatter my legs). I thought you should be informed of this discrepancy, and I hope this message will be forwarded to the appropriate departments. Let's get on the ball, Earth, shall we? This is like...Florida. I swear, first sign of a retirement community for "active seniors", I'm bolting for Canada.

Sincerely,
Turner

Wow, it's been exactly a month since I last posted. One might surmise, from this factoid, that I have been up to no good, or at least up until odd hours of the morning, having crazy party time. Sadly, this is not the case, unless "1:30-2:00 AM" counts as "odd hours of the morning", and "watching a regular lineup of late-night sitcoms and talk shows" counts as "having crazy party time". It shows just how incredibly fascinating my life is when I tell you that the most significant thing that happened to me in the past month was that my computer was declared comatose and I had to do massive brain surgery on it (i.e., wipe it clean and Restore Factory Settings, then put back all the stuff I lost). I would like to take this time to thank God, Allah, Shiva, Satan, all those guys for my external hard drive.

Oh yeah, I've been working, too. It's gotten pretty boring, since most of what I have to do is automated by Perl scripts, and I'm basically there to run them and panic when they don't work. So my day post-11ish is generally trying to find ways not to smash my head into the monitor out of boredom. Spending a lot of time at the Gorillaz Tiles game (which I will not link to this time, out of respect for the lives of the poor devils reading this). Also, on a Google Group. Don't ask. I even went to an internet tutorial site to learn basic HTML and CSS and such. At least I'm getting paid for pretty much what I'd be doing at home. If only I weren't addicted to Au Bon Pain Smoked Turkey Clubs, and there weren't two Au Bon Pains within 5 miuntes of the office.

My social life has consisted almost entirely of Law & Order: SVU marathons with Judith, and sometimes with Peggy. And one (so far) Summer in Sunnydale. Methinks TV may be consuming my life a bit too much.

I've had the house all to myself for two weeks, and for another 5 days or so. You know, I actually really enjoy it. When they hear that I'm all alone for weeks, people go "Oh man, that must be terrible." But you know what? I really enjoy it. For about 4 or 5 years, I've spent by far the majority of my time with myself (not all of it WITH myself, obviously (if you know what I mean)). I've come to be adjusted to just entertaining myself. Which is good when I am alone, because otherwise I'd keep fretting about finding someone to do something with. Of course, it's made me so socially incompetent that socializing with me is at best an utter bore (\boar) and at worst, extremely awkward and tedious. So that's fun. Hooray for prolonged isolation fucking up social skills! And hooray for fun TV shows acting as a stand-in for actual social interaction!

Oh, and I restarted Tae Kwon Do. It went well, until I actually started doing it. I somehow managed to pull a back muscle and it has been killing me for a week or so, and making it damn near impossible to do Tae Kwon Do, the very thing that would strengthen the muscle enough to make it better. Hell, I had to quit and go home halfway through class today, when I finally got myself to go there. Aren't vicious cycles fun, kids?!

I kind of want to go back to Franklin Park Zoo. Who wants to go with me? I can totally get you all-access backstage passes. I also need something to kill this mind-numbing boring.

This weekend was my family's traditional Memorial Day trip to the Deceptively Modest House In The Hamptons owned by my grandmother (who, thankfully, wasn't there). There is a frigid North Atlantic beach, and various water vessels. I basically spent the whole time learning Perl for my job (sidenote: Perl - awesome language). I did, however, come away with a fair amount of solar grilling due to my stupidity badassness in not applying sunscreen. I had the pleasure of hearing an old man shouting the following into his cell phone:

Old man: MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, I'M SHOUTING SO YOU'LL HEAR THIS MESSAGE! MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE (etc., for literally about 3 minutes)
Old man: (screaming) MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, MARY ANNE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE, CALL ME ON MY CELL PHONE

Extended techno remix is forthcoming. Oh, crazy old men. I would love to recieve that message.

So yesterday I started work. Well, I went in for 2 hours (2.5 if you consult my time sheet, my boss is quite generous with rounding). Got set up, learned what I'd be doing, promptly forgot same, you know. Standard stuff. I will probably fail miserably at this job, since I'm already not exactly sure what to do or how everything works, but hey. I'm pretty lucky in general (lucky in life, unlucky in love, as they say), so I'll probably be able to bullshit my way through well enough. Probably bring down the company in the process, but that'll be after I'm gone, so what do I care? I leave a trail of ruined companies in my path.

In less than a week, I fulfill my destiny as the Antichrist (dude, I'm going to get TOTALLY WASTED!!!!). In honor of the anniversary of my spawning from the bowels of Hell, there is a documentary of my childhood coming out. Hail Satan.

So I sold out. I took the high-paying-cubicle job. Now I need to find some tacky knick-nacks to annoy neighboring cubicles. Also, responsibility? Me? Here's a tip: don't invest in Mathsoft stock. It'll probably start tanking, oh, around June 1st. I'm just psychic like that. I've got to start learning Perl now. Awesome.

I'm halfway through college. Ah, how time flies when you are doing shit-all except for the occasional schoolwork. Just think: in two years, I'll be out on my own, making my way in the world, a fresh-faced, bright-eyed, eager young nerd. Or, you know, lying drunk in a ditch. Whichever. Either way, it really makes you stop and think (and then ask yourself why the hell you bothered to think about something so utterly inane). It's nice to be home, and seeing people I rarely or never see. Like today, I went to see the BUA senior play. It was quite good. And yesterday, I hung out with several BUA people, like Magil and Anna and Massie and Roshini. It's good I haven't totally lost touch with people, because that tends to happen.

You know what there should be? There should be a place, like a website or something, that has hobbies you can take up, because really, when someone asks you what you do for fun, "waste ungodly amounts of time searing my eyes out of my head and shirking work in front of the computer" doesn't cut it. Hell, even stamp collecting or building scale models of medieval surgical instruments out of Q-tips or making those creepy-as-fuck dolls of children with their backs turned and resting their heads against their arms (molestation position if ever I saw one). Point being, I want to do something interesting with my free time.

Okay, I'm going to finish watching The Twilight Zone and enjoy my couple of weeks before I become a working man.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and when I was hanging out with Roshini and Massie et. al, we met an extremely witty middle-aged man who claimed to be a graduate student, and treated us to such witticisms as "What did the big chimney say to the small chimney? You're too young to smoke!" and "Who is responsible for China's overpopulation? Fookem Yung!" and one which he liked so much he repeated twice to me, "So a girl walks into a bar, and her clothes are so tight that they hug her body tightly. A guy asks her how he could get into her pants, and she says 'You buy me a drink'" HA HA HA what a suave guy. Also, he had a strange semi-British accent.

Ah, spring, when a young man's fancy turns to love. Or, in my case, bitter resentment and sending bad vibes to all the happy couples. No, I'm happy for you, really I am. Or in the case of alternate-quantum-dimension Turner's case, to the bottle. Oh, AQD Turner is totally wasted. All the time. And if Normal Turner's dad has his way, Normal Turner will be wasted, too. No joke, my dad seriously advised me that I should start drinking alcohol. As a social lubricant. Because I have no hope otherwise. My parents are the worst peer-pressurers around.

So there have been some fairly (relatively (not at all)) exciting establishments in my life. If I see you with any regularity in real life, you have probably heard that I have got 3, yes, count 'em, 3, job offers at various software companies for the summer. One of them is in Shelton, CT, which is about as large and exciting as it sounds. It would not be fun getting there every day if I lived somewhere exciting, and if I lived in or near Shelton...I'd be living in Shelton. A fate worse than death, to be sure. So that's pretty much out.

Another is in Davis Square, literally about 5-10 minutes' walk away from my house. It's a small, new software company that only recently became real. Prior to sometime earlier this year, they were "entirely virtual". Including the guy who started it. This guy is a Middletown Alpha Delt alum, and is a genial, archetypal computer nerd. His "office" consists of 2 nearly empty rooms, one of which has a water cooler and the other of which has a conference table, a couple of chairs, and two large beanbag chairs. I kid you not. It's like the stereotypical new software company. "We're going to get desks and chairs soon!", he assured me. I assured him that I didn't mind. I mean, really, that's kind of awesome. He'd be paying me $12 an hour, what with my inexperience, his not having mountains of cash to squander on an inept intern (I assume), and because I stupidly told him in my phone interview that I would technically be willing to work for free. Pause. "For future reference, when someone asks you how much you expect to be paid, never say that", he said. I mean, that's pretty obvious, but I hadn't really thought about wages, and I had no idea what these kinds of jobs go for. Still pretty stupid, I know.

The last one is with a larger, established company called Mathsoft. They're a T-ride away, so that's good. I went home last weekend (not the just past one, the one before that) to meet with the guy I was emailing with. The first place I met him, for a couple of minutes, was at this little seedy bar called the Plough and Stars, where he was playing with his band as Frank Drake (he's actually Arthor Weinstein, but I guess Jewish names don't sound "country" enough for his band). The place is your standard cubicle-office place on the 16th floor of an office building. Not that I am particularly against cubicles. Hell, I'm basically living in a cubicle now. I would also have more responsibility there, which is a double-edged sword (or, to BUAers, a pharmakon (I hope I'm not the only who remembers that)), since, you know, it's good experience and all, but me + responsibility = disaster. For one week in July, my supervisor person would be gone on vacation and leave me to take over for him. What. On the plus side, they'd be paying me $20 an hour. Which would be nice, because you know, money makes the world go round and all that. Plus, I have like $600 in plane tickets from Spring Break to pay off.

So now I need to decide: cozy, friendly, funky new company in which I'd probably do a wide variety of things, or a big, respected company that pays $8 an hour more, and would look a lot better on my resume. Oh, the decisions.


So other than that, nothing much is going on. Except for schoolwork being ramped up for the last week of classes. And I can't program worth shit. So, uh, this summer should be interesting, especially since whichever place I end up working, I will have to learn Perl. And I'm having trouble with Java. Yikes.

On a plus note, though, this summer should be fairly cool socially, at least. Judith (who just got back), John, Heather, Hilary, me, BUA people, will all be home for the summer so, you know, wild parties. At my house, which I have nearly to myself, since my sister doesn't count, for a month while the rest of the family takes off to Italy. So CRAZY PARTIES.

And on a final note, to make up for the long, drawn-out, boring nature of this post, coatamundi babies:




P.S. I have been eating way too many WesWings buffalo wings. Like, daily. Literally. It can't be healthy. But I'm addicted. And on that note, I'm off to get some for dinner.

I had a dream last night.

( Out of consideration for the broadband-impaired )

SADFJSADKFUCKsdaDSFSDFDSAFDSAFDSAFSADF


THEY CANCELLED URINETOWN

3 WEEKS BEFORE IT GOES UP, AND THEY CANCEL IT. MY FIRST ACTING GIG IN A YEAR AND THEY CANCEL IT. 3 WEEKS BEFORE IT'S SET TO GO UP.


Now I have no extracurriculars, no musical. I am so unbelievably upset and angry. Yeah, there were a lot of obstacles, more and more by the day, it seems. But we'd get through it. Maybe it wouldn't be the best show ever, but it would be good, and it would be fun, and that's all that matters. Shut up, it is. Ugh.

salkjfksdjfdsajfsalkdjhlfkjadsdfasf

So I went to the dentist a week or two ago. Just a standard, run-of-th-mill cleaning and check up. "We'll take some X-rays, since you haven't had any in a while", said the dentist. When she came back from developing the X-rays, she started conversing, and in the course of the conversation, I said "I'm pretty lucky, I've never had braces or cavities or anything." She gave me a smug smile and said "Well, your luck has run out." Pride comes before the fall. It turns out I have several tiny cavities between my teeth, due to lack of appropriate (read: any) flossing. Also, one of my baby teeth hung on and the permanent tooth came up under it, making me, as the dentist said, "A very interesting person. Dentally."

So I just got back from getting two fillings. It wasn't too bad, the novocaine did its job. There were some of those uncomfortable chills you get when you bite down on a sensitive tooth, but pretty much painless. Long and tedious, but fairly painless. And even better, the novocaine is not making my gums feel like they extend out 5 miles, which it usually does. My top lip veers to the side, away from the novocained part, when I close my mouth, which is slightly weird but not bad. They asked me which type of filling I wanted, silver or white (white is more expensive, silver contains mercury). I hadn't thought about it before. So I called my parents, but they didn't pick up. And remembering Chris Pappa's senior thesis, I opted for white fillings. The idea of inserting a highly toxic metal into my teeth didn't appeal to me, anyway.

Now my teeth are not all natural. It's tragic, really. Now I know how 99% of female models feel. Not the anorexia, the fake boobs. I mean teeth. My boobs are all natural, baby.


In other news, there isn't much other news. I think I am seriously addicted to a certain computer game that shall go unnamed to avoid embarassment. Seriously. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time playing [CENSORED]. Hopefully going back to school will stop that, what with the INTENSE 3 WEEKS OF URINETOWN REHEARSALS (which I have done shamefully little preparation for, as I suck at life) and classes and NEW RUSH/SOC SEASON. So here's to that. If I end up shutting myself up in my room for days on end, a la first semester of freshman year, I hope Wes people will light a fire under my ass (not literally, Prometheus people). Unfortunately, I will no longer have Heather to get me out, though. It's tragic. She and several other people are abandoning me to go to Europe, selfish bastards. Judith also left, which makes me sad. We had a nice goodbye-breakfast the day she left, though, me, her, and TomGor, and that was nice (although I feel kind of bad, because I think it was meant just so she could see Tom before she left, and I was invited only because I don't drive). I only got to know her for one semester, it's not fair.

Also, I did the super-creepy-sketchy thing and visited BUA a couple of times (and also saw them perform The Diary of Anne Frank, which was FANTASTIC(K)). Now with extra sketchy, due to the slowly-progressing beard. Man, I can't wait to shave this damn thing off and have a smooth chin once again.


So, uh, that's it. My life is even less exciting than my Livejournal, it's sad. And that's saying something. Now I've updated, Curry, I hope you're happy.

EDIT: I would just like to laugh at the almost scarily appropriate subject line for the email newsletter I got from They Might Be Giants:




IT'S FOR URINETOWN, DAMN IT

Merry Christmas to all. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, Happy Holidays or something.

This year has borne out all my love for Christmas several times over. It was a very good Christmas. We did all our ancient, time-honored traditions, although with slightly less gusto, I'm sad to say. Also, my parents have effectively stopped trying to perpetuate the existence of Santa Claus, which makes me sad for some reason. But considering the youngest child in my family is 14, I guess it's time to let it go.

I love waking up to full stockings and a mountain of presents under the tree. Christmas--the whole season, and the atmosphere around it--is one of my favorite times of the year, if not my absolute favorite. It's also the most heavily tradition-laden time for our family. That's why it's kind of odd that I like it so much; I am, as a rule opposed to the sanctification of tradition, as it has the potential for grave harm and injustice. Then again, Christmas Eve Chinese dinner doesn't really Perpetuate Ingrained Gender Stereotypes, or anything. Although I'm sure there are several people at my school who would be happy to argue for that. But that's another thing entirely.

( The standard loot list, the ultimate in tacky boasting )

And then another tradition, family friends came over for a Christmas dinner, and yeah, that was nice. I'm home until January 22nd. What the fuck. I mean, it's pretty awesome, but wow. Literally a month at home, since I finished exams on the 22nd (fuck yes, take that school/my GPA). No obligations for a month. Except for learning all of Urinetown, of course.

OH ugh, speaking of which, I just got an email today saying that, due to recent and upcoming difficulties with the show, some cast members have expressed a desire to cancel the show. I cannot express how pissed off I will be if this happens. I have been looking forward to this show all last semester, and finally I'm getting back into theater as more than a bitch-monkey (not that I actually mind run crew, but still, I prefer acting/singing). It had better fucking not be cancelled, I swear. It was almost cancelled by Second Stage, but we avoided that, if we give up now...

Plus, I am not growing out my facial hair for nothing. That's right, I'm growing a beard whatever you can call whatever stubble I have after a month of not shaving, by order of the director. And I'm not enjoying it. My chin feels dirty or something. Plus I probably look like a really sketchy, lazy bum. I figure if I can stick it out for another week or so, I will pass the Sketchy Bum stage and reach at least Pretentious Art House Asshole. But still, I hate this facial hair. A clean-shaven Turner is a happy Turner. Well, not happy, since, you know, I'm such an emo boy, but happier. So, in conclusion, Urinetown must not be fucking cancelled. I may have to bust some heads if it is. By Turner, age 20.

Also, before exams Leen (intravenous) and Vicky (ananri) came up to Middletown and had lunch with me (poor girls, they had no idea what an ordeal such an event with me is). I had a good time, though, and was glad to see Leen again, and meet Vicky. They're almost sickeningly cute as best friends. There are pictures, but all on Vicky's camera, so you know. I don't have them. I really wish I could have done something more than just lunch with them though, but what are you gonna do during exam week? (certainly not study)

Finally, as I mentioned before, I'll be home for a month. So I ned things to do. By which I mean people to see. I'm hoping to do something with the Pippin people again, if I can get my ass motivated to figure that out. I have nothing for New Year's, though. I'd like to see Heather (and Judith) before they go off to fantastic adventures in Europe and abandon me. So, in sum, keep me in mind if you are bored and in the mood for some social masochism.

So I leave you with (what a surprise) an XTC Christmas song. You can be sure it's very secular, because Andy's an outspoken atheist. I think it's a very good song, but then again I tend to like XTC songs and Christmas songs seperately, so it makes sense I'd like it. If the link expires and you want it, I'll be happy to reupload it. Merry Christmas.

Oh, WikiHow, why must you let me down? Repeatedly? If only that stuff worked. Oh well. I'm still holding out hope that this will pan out. omg i have 2 go shopping guyz!!!1

So, uh, it's reading week now. Which, naturally, means that I am doing 0% of the 4543 pages I need to read and other test I need to study for. How I haven't failed out yet is beyond me. Maybe it's that whole lay-for-an-A thing I'm doing. That seems to work. Also, apparently computer science isn't just programming for hours on end. This might pose a problem. Come on, I'm majoring in computer science so that I don't HAVE to think! This theoretical stuff is bullshit. By which I mean, I suck at it. Oh computers, why don't you love me?

So besides squandering the best years of my life playing old computer games for obscene lengths of time, I am also now a member of Alpha Delta Phi. All the things you see in movies about initiation? Totally true. My ass is still very sore. Oh those sadists. I love the place, though. So hooray for that.

And to Sarah (scientz) and anyone who loves Tintin: LOOK AT THIS, HOLY SHIT. Sorry, but Jesus Christ, I never knew they even made Tintin computer games. So they don't seem to be very good, or understandable (it took me about 10 minutes to get it to work in English). But still...they're TINTIN GAMES. God damn, that excited me way too much.


P.S. I saw the Chronicles of Narnia on Monday. Holy Christianity, Batman. I did not remember the heavy Christian motifs when I read the books. Of course, maybe that's because I was about 12 years old. Also, I felt like such a nerd when I recognized one of the lines from an XTC song that I'm sure was taken from the book.

Okay I should force myself to go to the library so I can (gasp) work.

Is it bad that I kind of like this song/video? I mean, I feel like, if it got a lot of airtime on the radio, people would start saying "Oh, don't you HATE that 'Who's Loving Your Mama' song?" And with good reason, too. It's just so damn catchy. And I think he looks vaguely like John Lennon or somebody, although I may be am batshit insane.

Uh, anyway, enough about my embarassing musical tastes (those could fill a book). Thanksgiving break was pretty nice. I love Thanksgiving. I always spend it with my family and a group of other family friends, for as long as I can remember. We rotate hosting duties, everyone brings something, so there's tons of delicious food and deceased poultry. Of course, my favorite part of the night is after mastication, when we drift to one room and sing various songs. Not like Thanksgiving related songs, just assorted songs, such as Under the Boardwalk and Love Potion #9. This year, we sang "Hung Up On You" by Fountains of Wayne because apparently one of the dads has become obsessed with them. So that was pretty awesome. I love Fountains of Wayne. Other than the actual feast, I did literally NOTHING all week except go to a celebration of Hillary's 21st birthday on Saturday. Other than that I just kind of lazed around the house. That's quite sad.

Also, I have rediscovered the allure of computer games recently. This is what is called a bad thing. Goodbye schoolwork, hello failure.

I'm just kidding, I never do my schoolwork. But still. Ugh, this month is going to be INTERESTING. On the plus side, it's almost December, which is Christmas month. I have an advent calendar out and I will soon set out my REAL AUTHENTIC Christmas tree, a gift from Emily (muchtomychagrin) from last year, the sweet girl. Oh yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas (but where is the god damn snow?). Have I mentioned I love the Christmas season? Fuck that "oh it's so commercial now!!!!!" shit. Also ignore that I am an atheist. Atheists like presents tidings of comfort and joy, too. But what is with this whole exams ending 3 days before Christmas? That's just not cool. Not cool at all.

Ween is awesome. I think I ought to redeem my musical reputation a bit. Come on, who couldn't like a 7 minute long Mexican ballad? Although, if you're like my brother, you won't like them. None of you are like my brother, though, or so I sincerely hope. I mean I have nothing against him, of course, but his musical taste...wel, let's just say if it weren't for my influence, his musical collection would consist almost entirely of Jay-Z and 50 Cent and the like. Yes, it's that grim.

Hey I have to give a ~presentation~ to Alpha Delt on "something you think the membership should know about yourself" (and we all know my aptitude for presentations, no matter how minor). Help me think of something to talk about or make up something. I have zero imaginative capacity.

OH and I have the coolest friends. Can your friends blow fire? I didn't think so. I rest my case.

I think it's kind of a bad thing when being sick and "laying low" for the day in order to recuperate...is absolutely zero change from 90% of your weekly routine. Kind of depressing and pathetic when you think about it.

On the other hand, the weekends have started becoming far more interesting. Not compared to a normal person's life, of course, but compared to mine, certainly. I guess I'm just hibernating through the week. I don't know. That would explain why I do approximately 12% of my homework, and hence will fail three of my classes oh god I have two tests in philosophy on Monday. Again. But after those there are no more graded assignments or anything so essentiall I can go to them or not and it doesn't make a lick of difference.

I guess I won't do a long rambling update this time. You're welcome. You only get one or two of these a year, make this count. I don't know. Shut up. I don't have to impress you (although I'd like to). And this is the point where I stop typing before this gets 100% retarded. I like percents, apparently. Saved! and The Hebrew Hammer are great movies. Especially Saved! Alright, goodnight.

So, uh, hi. I guess I'm updating. I have 294 pages of Plato's Republic to read for tomorrow, but apparently I'm updating. Fancy that.

Fall break was nice, even though I did next to nothing over the weekend and then afewcoolthingsallpackedintothelasttwodays. I saw March of the Penguins with the family on Saturday, I guess as kind of a bonding thing. Freezing penguin chicks, what a happy film. But it was interesting as far as nature films go. Then I didn't really do anything until Monday, when I saw The 40-Year-Old Virgin, FINALLY, with my two oldest friends, who I sadly haven't seen much at all in the past few years. I loved it. Loved it. It's one of my favorite movies. And hey, I've got 20 years to not be Steve Carell.

One of my friends is leaving tomorrow for New Zealand, where he will bicycle around the islands, by himself, with no housing or source of income set up. I am impressed. But then, I am continually impressed by him. And he's seriously just about the friendliest guy you'll ever meet. Not that you will, but you know what I mean.

And then on Tuesday I met omgcats, aka Katie, at Franklin Park Zoo. That was nice, I said hello to a few of the keepers, including the one who I'm pretty sure hated me. Then Katie came, but it was fun nevertheless. I didn't get to throw her into the lion exhibit, even though the zoo was empty and I would have totally gotten away with it. The lion took one look at her and ran. You've got to hand it to him, he's got good taste and a perceptive eye. Then I took her ~behind the scenes~ and said hello to all the birds who hated me, and the one who eventually liked me (who apparently didn't recognize me). Oh, memories. Um, then we went to see Good Night, and Good Luck, which I thought was really good. McCarthy was an ugly, sleazy motherfucker. And Edward R. Murrow was pretty damn cool, if the portrayal of him in the movie was anything close to accurate. In all seriousness, I had a lot of fun that day. I don't know if she did, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't since I basically spent the entire time insulting her and questioning her femeninity. And by questioning, I mean denying. She's too good a sport. I can get out all my asshole impulses on her and Sean, which allows me to be the model friend you all know and love. So everybody thank Katie. Let's do it again sometime.

Oh and Emerson College apparently only considers me a half a person. Oh well. It's named after a lazy hippie, anyway, its opinion doesn't matter.

T-2 days until pledging. I'm excited. Also, I have a snazzy fedora. And pinstripe suit. With suspenders. Sentence fragments.

Okay. So. First things first, yeah, name change, thanks to the generousity of Katie omgcats. ( This is why, so you can STOP ASKING )

My name has not gotten a good reception so far, but oh well. Many thanks to omgcats. Speaking of Katie, we will be hanging out over my Fall Break this weekend. Maybe seeing a movie/going to Franklin Park Zoo, who knows. She's eager to see me nervous and awkward, the damn sadist. So um, yeah, that will be...interesting.

In other interesting news,



That's awesome. The people at Alpha Delt are good folks, and I have had fun there. This evening my sponsor and another Alpha Delt person came to my room and handed me an invitation in a book and explained a little about the process. My sponsor is very nice. And she has a cute kitten who I want to see. So that was pretty cool and exciting.

What is neither cool nor exciting, however, is the fact that I have a 6-8 page paper due on Friday. In my government class. Which is my worst class. I haven't even started it yet, I suck. Luckily, by some fortuitous chance, both my classes and musical rehearsals tomorrow have been cancelled, which gives me a whole DAY AND A HALF in which to finish it. Somehow I'm not that comforted. I've wasted all of today, in all likelihood I'll waste all tomorrow and then FAIL MISERABLY. That should be good for a lark. I hate GenEd requirements. Ugh.

On the plus side I got back my grades for the aforementioned philosophy tests. I did pretty well. I actually got an A on the one I was worried about (well, assuming he keeps the curve the way he tentatively set out today). On the easier one, though, I got a B (although I scored higher, it was just that easy, I was screwed by the curve). I'm kind of disappointed with that just because I feel like it was easy enough that I should have done better. But he wanted to look over my test again to regrade it, so who knows, maybe my grade will go up a bit. OH DON'T YOU JUST LOVE READING ABOUT PEOPLES' GRADES? Sorry.

So I guess that's it. Apologies if the name change ~traumatizes~ you, I will feel terrible if it does. Well not really, but it sounds good to say that.

What with a full academic week coming up, which has a few important assignments, I figure it's time to spend some time I don't have updating. I have two, count them two, philosophy tests back-to-back on Monday. It's like some horrible philosophical biathalon. Actually, I'm complaining more than I should, as usual. One of them is on truth tables, which are a) straightforward and b) I have done them last year. I actually kind of enjoy doing them, in a sick, nerdy way. It's the other test I'm worried about. It's on Descartes' Meditations. Passage identification. This is especially beneficial to me since I barely did the reading, and what I did read, I read as fast as I could because I read at the rate of a SPED first-grader. So I have to rely on what little I gleaned from reading and on the parts of lecture that I was awake for and that made it through my thick skull into what, on normal people, would be called a "brain". Actually, more on the book because it's passage identification. Hello useless knowledge, or lack thereof, that will screw me over. I wish I had transferred out of that class, but it's too late now, damn it.

Then, due the next day, I have a Computer Science homework due. I actually enjoy those. This time we are programming a game of craps, which is currently giving me trouble, and a way to check to see if a given word or phrase is a palindrome. That is awesome, because I LOVE palindromes. A lot. Too much. I got to use in my program my favorite palindrome:



Now, I've never been to Tulsa and I know nothing about it, but this palindrome makes sense, at least in theory. Unlike "Gateman sees name, garage man sees name tag", or "Straw? No. Too stupid a fad. I put soot on warts." Don't get me wrong, I love those too and they are amazing, but let's face it, they don't make a lick of sense. So in case the Tulsa board of tourism is reading this and putting calls out to their lawyers for defemation: I have nothing against Tulsa, I'm sure it's a beautiful city with many interesting and historic sights to take in, and I reccomend that anyone reading this make a trip there at their earliest possible convenience. Even though I haven't. I hear they have great booze and hookers.

And then I have a 6-8 page essay in my government class due Friday. Since I can hear some on my friends list sharpening their machetes because that's not really bad compared to what they have had to do, I'm sure, my defense is that I have done about 40% of the required reading for this class (and if you recall my reading abilities, even that's not saying much), and I hate essays with a vengeance. I have no idea how I am going to pull an essay out of my ass by then. Okay, resume sharpening.

So I think I'm pretty much done with whining about school. Socially, I'm doing pretty well. Well, I'm still a social disaster, but about a third as bad as last year. This weekend I got a delightfully awkward coffee with some friends, went to a somewhat odd, though entertaining, play about standing in line. How the author was able to work sex into THAT plot is beyond me. Oversexualized culture etc etc. Not that I'm complaining. Our society could always use more sex. Particularly my society in particular.

( I guess that means you'll smell like vodka and Vicodin. )

Oh and I saw Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-rabbit yesterday with Judith. It was absolutely wonderful. Everybody go see it. Do it. As soon as possible. I love Wallace and Gromit so much. Claymation blows my mind, man.

And then, last night, Goth Party. I was probably the (second) least goth person there. Black t-shirt, grey cargo pants, and sandals. Fortunately, I had the wonderful Emma (damorabu) do eye makeup for me. I unfortunately could not find a mirror so I did not really get a chance to see it well. But I was told it was great, and I believe it. Anyway, there was black and leather and less. Skulls, a dominatrix, and Nosferatu playing on continuous loop in the background, under various goth-ish type music. I danced flailed about most of the night and it was pretty awesome in general.

So tonight I have the review sessions for both my philosophy tests at the exact same time. In rooms right next to each other. That is crazy. And it also sucks quite a lot, because the Wine and Cheese event thingy at Alpha Delt, to which I was "cordially invited", is at the same time. And I really want to go to that, despite the fact that I hate wine. I have been told to make an appearance by a couple of people, under threat of physical assault. So I'm trying to do as much studying as I can before then.

Well, obviously, I'm not, but I like to say I am because it makes me feel better. God I'm a sucky student. I want to be able to do work again. Please, Clarence, I just want to be able to work again. I want to be able to work again. And if you'd give me a buff, hot bod while you're at it, that would be A+.

P.S. It has been raining like the dickens here for a good few days, and that's awesome. I love rain. Adore rain. Except when it gets me totally soaked and breaks my phone.

...Nah, even then.

Well, I guess I haven't updated this in a long time. I've been really busy.

( A LONG reflection on a topic from my Reason & Paradox class )

I'm kind of worried because I want to go to Block Island in the upcoming week, but we still haven't settled on a plan, and my other friend who was going to come along will probably not be able to come and WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT?! Oh right, because I suck at planning and following up.

Other than that I have had absolutely nothing happen. My stupid CD drive in my laptop has suddenly decided to stop succesfully burning CDs, which is obviously eesential to my illegal activities. Luckily it's still under warranty, so I just have to mail the drive back and they'll mail me a new one. But I have to call them to set it up, and anyone who knows me knows my great fear of phones so let's see if that happens in oh, the next 4 days.

I want to socialize with someone. Specifically, I would like to see The 40-Year Old Virgin because I love Steve Carell on The Daily Show. But I can't think of anyone who's homeand available. I called Kristen to see if she wanted to go, but she apparently hates me or something so that hasn't happened, and I guess I could call my friend Eli, but for some reason it's not as easy to hang out with him anymore, it feels kind of awkward for some reason unless we are mindlessly watching a movie or something. So I don't know.

asjdhaahdha oh yeah and I find this kind of funny. So my brother had a few friends over at Long Island last weekend. So a couple of days ago, the mother of one of them calls to talk to my mom and I answer, and she says "Oh, Eliza thought you were so cool!" so I was like "hahah thanks" and then my mom came in after talking to her and said she (friend's mom) said the same thing to her (my mom). This is especially funny since I spent literally about 95% of the time with my headphones on programming at my laptop. So that pretty much made my day.

Well I got back from Long Island yesterday. It wasn't bad, but nothing exciting. My stupid brother has a super active social life and I have (social life)^-1, so that kind of really sucks. He had three friends come over to Long Island with him for a few days, even. My parents said I could invite someone but I really don't know of anyone who would probably want to come. I took a few pictures because Jenny (hardtosay) requested them for some reason, but they're really boring and I don't know if they'd be worth the webspace it would take to put them up so I guess if you really want, I can post them.

So I started learning C programming because a) my dad has a book to teach one how to do so and b) I'm a nerd an I like programming and c) it's basically the only thing I can do on the computer that won't convince my parents I'm wasting away in front of a screen (which I am). Aside from an annoying compiler quirk, it's going pretty well. It's so satisfying seeing your programs work as desired. Even if they are mostly copied from a book. Shut up, some of them aren't.

I've been pretty excited to go back to school, but then I remembered I have the social skills of a mildly retarded newt (and looks to match), so that kind of put a damper on that. Also, I'm going to try to visit my friend who is working as a lifeguard on Block Island sometime soon, so I guess that's pretty cool. I haven't seen him since the beginning of summer. It's kind of sad, since he lives right behind me and we used to be best friends.

Ugh, there are a million and five things bothering me recently and it's stupid but it makes me kind of bummed.

This post is devoted to baby flamingos.

( They are the most absurd-looking things in the world )

I'm going to miss them animals.

P.S. I made an open Photobucket for all my zoo pictures, so if you ever have the desire to look at the pictures you can go here.

Oh also I got a nice flamingo postcard with a bendy rubber swan as a goodbye from the other intern and extern and it was awesome to see it lying there for me as a surprise and...yeah. Sorry, baby flamingos, I didn't mean to take over your post. I just have a problem with rambling.